As International Men’s Day approaches on November 19, the focus shifts to male mental health.
Despite increasing awareness in recent years, many men still struggle to express vulnerability, a challenge underscored by the grim reality that suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50 in the UK.
Scottish filmmaker Duncan Cowles explores this issue in his documentary Silent Men, examining why men often suppress their emotions and whether deeply rooted societal norms around masculinity can change.
Cowles’ inspiration for the film stemmed from his own difficulties with emotional openness.
Addressing this personal struggle, he likened the process to “dragging [himself] backwards through a hedge.” However, he believes the risks of ignoring emotions are far more daunting.
Society often idealizes traditional masculine traits like strength and dependability, yet Cowles’ experiences suggest that embracing vulnerability leads to deeper relationships and greater personal fulfillment.
Despite this, the allure of stoic masculinity remains strong, shaping how many men navigate their emotional worlds.
To explore these dynamics, Cowles began by posting an online call for men willing to discuss their emotions.
Over several years, he interviewed men from various walks of life across the UK, including participants at a group therapy retreat. His journey also turned inward, examining his own family dynamics.
His father, a man of few words who expresses affection through actions rather than conversations, epitomizes the stoic masculinity that shaped Cowles’ understanding of what it means to be a man.
The documentary also incorporates expert insights.
A trauma specialist discusses how societal conditioning begins early, noting studies that show baby boys are touched less frequently than girls, a subtle but powerful reinforcement of the idea that males require less emotional support.
This conditioning evolves into the “big boys don’t cry” narrative, discouraging boys and men from expressing vulnerability.
Such cultural constructs often leave men feeling trapped and contribute to the broader mental health crisis they face.
The men featured in Silent Men offer diverse perspectives on navigating their emotions.
Dom, a father, frequently tells his son he loves him, driven by a deep fear of leaving loved ones unsure of their importance.
Ainslie, another participant, shares how becoming a father diminished his opportunities to process his emotions.
Even Cowles’ brother injects humor into the narrative when he uses the moment his microphone battery dies to quietly say, “I love you.”
Moments like these, along with serene shots of shorelines and flowers, provide levity amidst the heavier themes of the film.
A pivotal moment in the documentary comes when Cowles tells his parents he loves them.
His mother is receptive, but his father, reflecting an older generational perspective, dismisses the gesture as “airy-fairy” and suggests that silence is a sign of contentment.
Cowles later reflects on this exchange, acknowledging his father’s belief that visible emotional distress equates to something being wrong.
Yet, he observes that younger generations are increasingly open to emotional expression, signaling a shift in attitudes toward vulnerability.
Cowles admits during filming that he worried about falsely portraying personal growth for the sake of a satisfying conclusion.
Months after production, however, he acknowledges real progress.
Though gradual rather than transformative, the changes are noticeable, and his partner appreciates his increased willingness to open up.
Silent Men is a poignant exploration of the personal and cultural forces that discourage men from expressing their emotions.
By blending humor, vulnerability, and candid storytelling, Cowles challenges traditional notions of masculinity and highlights the profound benefits of emotional openness—an essential step in addressing the mental health crisis affecting men today.
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